In the Beginning

I am sitting here trying to remember how I felt when Kyle was first assessed and started therapy. I don’t want to go back to that time, even in my mind. Although I am stronger now, I still cry when I think about the beginning. Kyle was screaming all the time to make his needs and wants known to us. I can still hear myself yelling at him, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. JUST TELL ME!!!” He would hit Tara when I nursed her. I would hold her in one arm and use my leg and arm to keep him away from us. When people would visit, he would scream if they looked at him or tried to interact with him. During car rides, we had to play “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan over and over again. If we didn’t, he would scream. Life was not all horrible, but when Kyle spiraled into a tantrum it could last up to an hour.

Every loving parent wants the best for their child. My desires for Kyle were not unusual or grand. I wanted him to be happy and healthy.

After his 18 month checkup, his doctor referred him for an audiological (hearing) and speech assessment. I had no prior experience to draw on before the assessments. Imagine having to drive to appointment after appointment and hear things you need to fix about your son.

When Kyle and I entered the darkened assessment room, the huge bear in the corner scared him. He refused to put on the headphones and did not understand the directions the woman was giving him. Her evaluation stated she was unable to assess the sounds made in his inner ear. She recommended a speech and language evaluation.

The speech and language evaluation was worse than the audiological assessment. Kyle hid in the corner and would not even calm down when I sang and held him. The therapist assessed him mainly using my responses. The results were depressing.

Kyle displayed communicative behaviors that are typical of a child approximately 9 months of age. Based on the information collected, Kyle was found to have significant communication impairment. The areas of communication affected include interaction, pragmatic abilities, gestures, play skills and receptive/expressive language skills.

When I read this report, I felt like I should have known something was not typical. How could I not have known? How could I have missed the signs?

Although every child is different, most autistic kids have delays in their social skills, language, and behavior. Although Kyle loved and was affectionate with me, he did not bond with other people easily. He did not notice when my husband left for work. He was completely unaware of others’ feelings. Kyle preferred to play alone and retreated into his own world. He started talking later, lost previously acquired ability to say words, did not make eye contact, and never initiated conversation. Kyle liked to spin in circles and follow the wall with his eyes off to the side. We could not vary our routine at all if we wanted to avoid a tantrum. For six months, Kyle would not allow anything to be placed over his head. We had to replace all his t-shirts with shirts that buttoned up in front. Kyle not only refused some textures, he eventually stopped eating solid food for 2 ½ years.

If your child is showing ANY of the behaviors mentioned above, please have him/her assessed. The sooner you start therapy, the quicker you can recover your child.

Once during a Bible study class, I stated emphatically that I tactfully let parents know if I see anything not typical in their child. Someone asked, “Shouldn’t parents be able to determine that for themselves?” I replied, “I didn’t. Why would I let someone I know suffer unnecessarily?”

I am forever grateful to Kyle's doctor. At his 2 year checkup, she told us that she thought he was autistic. Although she had an "I'm sorry" look on her face, the important thing is she told us.