How Did You Know?

The first question I am asked when I tell someone my son is autistic is, “How did you know?” My simple answer is I didn’t know.

Kyle is my first child. I read all the books, even highlighted certain parts. I felt prepared by my research online and talking to friends who had kids. I liked being around children. I was ready to be a mom and just knew the experience would be wonderful. I watched Kyle carefully for the developmental milestones. He rolled early, walked early, and even said his first word on time (Delicious). Sure, he was a little fussy. He didn’t like nursing, didn’t like the bottle, and resisted eating solid food. With persistence, we managed to get him to accept a bottle and rice cereal. But no baby is perfect, right? Sure, he didn’t like me to leave him alone, even with his father. Sure, he screamed when familiar people came into the room. But every baby exhibits a little stranger anxiety, right?

The first person to say anything was my older sister. She noticed that he was almost afraid of people and he loved to spin. But what did she know? She didn’t have any kids. At Kyle’s 14 month check up, his doctor expressed some concern that he wasn’t talking. He was talking. He was up to four words at that point. I thought that was normal. She mentioned that she would like to see him saying more words by the next appointment.

Kyle would play for hours by himself. He would scream if I couldn’t figure out what he wanted but overall he was a well behaved little boy. His behavior changed drastically when I gave birth to his little sister, Tara. He wouldn’t hug me or come close to me at the hospital. He would try to hit her during nursing sessions. I thought he was exhibiting typical sibling rivalry.

His doctor suggested we see an audiologist and a speech therapist. I thought she was being an alarmist. I took him to the audiologist to test his hearing. When we entered the dark room with a huge bear in the corner, Kyle screamed and tried to run out of the room. I thought I was a bad mother who did something wrong and couldn’t control her kid. The speech therapist was not able to accurately assess him because he was terrified if she even came close.

We moved from Illinois to California and started speech therapy. She recommended more sessions. Around this time he stopped eating solid food, stopped speaking, and screamed at me for everything. Finally, at his two year old check up his pediatrician told us she suspected he may be autistic. She told us to start intensive therapy through our Regional Center. I thought she was crazy. I told my husband that we were going to look for a new doctor.

Then I went online and looked up autism. Kyle had 10 out the 14 signs. Suddenly, I was hit by flashes of his blank face when his father would leave for work. I remembered how he would play for hours with the same toy. I acknowledged for the first time our crazy bedtime routine, I had to hold him the same way and sing the same songs. Kyle demanded that we play the same song in the car or he would scream for hours.

For the first time, I allowed myself to question…could Kyle have autism?